Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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