This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
