:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
