WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
