I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
