peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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