I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
