my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well you can't waste a boner
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
