I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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