Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
