The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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