Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize