Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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