The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
