he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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