I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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