One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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