I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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