JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
