I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
