apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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