Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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