alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So much Jack, so little girl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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