just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
