I got chris browned last night
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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