Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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