My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
