I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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