You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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