Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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