I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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