found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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