All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
