"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
