Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
