it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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