We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
