it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
