u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
