so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
