He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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