Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I came so hard my ears popped.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
