I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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