wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Soap is not a condiment
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
