fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
