You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
