i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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