There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
