Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
well you can't waste a boner
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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