If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
