if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
