I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
