I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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