he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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