I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
