So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
