I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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