I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
