captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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