Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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