I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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