Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
